I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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