she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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