Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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