Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
