And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
