when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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