I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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