i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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