So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
