return my video game
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
