I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize