so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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