we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
