i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
