I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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