My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
