Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
