My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
