The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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