then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
