Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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