He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
