We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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