she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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