The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
