when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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