Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just invented taco cereal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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