He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
