tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
