Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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