I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
