Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
