i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
