Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
