am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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