Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
