walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
