Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
