you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
