Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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