That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
