It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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