you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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