I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
