so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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