I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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