I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The Olympian is in my bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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