need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
