i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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