The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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