drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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