Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
