do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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