My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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