Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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