Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
