You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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