Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
