Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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