okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
