At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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