I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
