we have officially lost it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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