Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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