I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
