I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
