If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
