Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
